Negativity to Positivity: Thinking Rationally

Mr Happy

Snow Tidings.^^/

I’m having a good start to the New Year. Unfortunately though my cold has come back, and I put that down to the fact that my home town has welcomed heaps of snow. It’s rather unfortunate as when I get a cold I tend to lack sleep and do a lot of over-thinking. In my case being unwell means not really thinking rationally.

I consider myself quite chilled and I can usually let things go and take each moment as it comes. However, when my body and mind is not functioning properly I do sometimes feel negative and re-visit past events which weren’t necessarily happy times. Sometimes it’s not necessarily re-visiting past events, it can be the little things that make me worry and feel negative, even if they’re not major issues.

Just now I was spoilt for choice which manga to read. I wanted to read all five at once and I wanted to watch anime as well, but I couldn’t decide what to do. Thus, I got myself a little worked up and was worrying unnecessarily. Worrying about this simple thing makes me worry about things that worried me in the past as well. It can be a recent worry or something from some time ago. Either way I tend to feel negative when I’m very tired and/or under the weather. I then worry because I’m sitting here and worry about worrying. Haha.

Normally I can think rationally but when I’m under the weather thinking rationally can be tough because my mind is not thinking straight. When I try to think rationally my mind gets really blurry because my mind is combating with many emotions and thoughts at once. Really, in this case, it’s easy to just try and force them out of your mind. But, I find that if I tell myself “don’t worry about it” I worry about it more because it’s still on my mind. Every little thing becomes a big deal.

But, even if the little things make me worry, it’s the little things that cheer me up. In this case, stuff like Non Non Biyori. I mentioned this anime heaps of times in previous blogs. I really do like this anime and I dare say that it’s probably my favourite anime of all time. If it isn’t then it’s definitely in my Top Five of my favourite anime. My feelings of watching Non Non for the first time is similar to the feelings of when I first watched Thomas the Tank Engine for the first time. I was simply excited when I heard that Seven Seas are going to publish Non Non this June and I can’t wait until it comes out.

Watching Non Non makes me forget about the little things that I’m worrying about. And gradually, those worries disappear. It’s not just Non Non that cheers me up, a bunch of little things cheer me up. I’m talking about drawing my comics, writing my story, reading manga and hanging out with my family. It doesn’t make me less dizzy but it does take the sting out of being under the weather. I feel relaxed when doing these things. Relaxing to me means being happy and focusing on things I like to do. And, I need to remind myself to go to bed early instead of staying up just for the sake of it. Haha.

THANKS FOR READING

 Non Non Biyori Wallpaper

My mission for now is to keep warm and keep enjoying myself. Publishing my book onto kindle is taking quite some time but I won’t worry about that. Feeling negative when you’re ill I think is natural and it can be difficult to get out of that slump… but it’s not impossible. =) I’m now going to go away and watch some Nisekoi. =D

Thanks for reading.

Namaste.^^/

Ryan.

The Acting World: Being Natural

acting

It’s show blog time!^^/

I always thought I wanted to be an actor, and I began to pursue the acting road when I was 14. I enjoyed performing at school and started to attend drama classes. Everyone in these drama classes I would refer to as ‘the normal people’. Back then I would refer to people, who didn’t have autism or additional needs like myself as ‘normal’. It was the time when I was very insecure about myself and lacked self-confidence. My confidence grew throughout the years and it skyrocketed in my last year at university.

My main weakness in the acting field, I think, was not being ‘natural’. Some people would often say to me, “it’s good, but try to be more natural,” and “you’re being too OTT.” Sometimes they told me through a joke and sometimes they told me this seriously. For the life of me I didn’t understand their constructive criticism when they told me to be more ‘natural’. What does being natural mean? Why am I being too over the top? In my eyes I was being natural. I knew the characters I had to play and tried to relate their feelings with my own. Yet, because I wasn’t being ‘natural’ I often have lost parts and roles.

I remember this specific task at university where I was asked to narrate. Again, I probably over acted whilst narrating. In my eyes, I needed to act since acting is part of performing. The role of narrating was eventually given to someone else and I was really disappointed by this. Why wasn’t I being natural? Because I thought I was. I just didn’t understand. Of course, it all hit me when I left university.

Basically I was never natural in certain roles due to my lack of experience in society. It’s mostly due to my lack of experience interacting with ‘the normal people’. I couldn’t relate to how ‘normal people’ think. I’ve never been in a romantic relationship, I never argued with anyone, I’ve never been in a fight, I’ve never been drunk, and the list goes on. It’s one thing to witness a dramatic scene on TV but since I never experienced that in real life, I couldn’t relate.

The only thing I could do really was comedy. I could relate to comedy as I enjoy it. I felt that I could make people laugh in a variety of ways. I like to think that I made people laugh without trying as I like to think that comedy is my forte in terms of acting. I enjoy making others laugh, whether it’s impersonating characters, re-acting scenes from comedy shows or performing my own sketches.

However, there was one serious part that I was natural at that wasn’t necessarily a comedy… it was when I starred in my very own auto-biography performance. I basically acted out myself when I was child and when I was growing up. I was just recalling my past experiences. I actually cried a couple of times during this performance and this was the first time that I genuinely cried. I intend to talk more about my auto-bio play at some point as there is a lot I would like to share. What I will say though is that this was probably my best ever performance that wasn’t necessarily a comedy one. It had a few comedy moments in it, albeit, not intentionally.

To date, the auto-biography performance was my last and it was most likely my best ever. =D

WILL I ACT AGAIN?

In all honesty, since my writing epiphany, I have no intention of pursuing acting as a career. That’s not to say I will never act again but I will never audition for a role.

If I were to act again it would have to be on my own terms. I would have to relate to the character strongly and I have to have 100% confidence that I will bring out the best in that character. Although, if you asked me to perform a Rowan Atkinson sketch then I would accept it in a heartbeat. Haha. The same applies to a superhero character… perhaps Iron Man. Wink, wink. 😉 I’m definitely not ruling out doing my auto-bio play again. I have better ideas on how to improve on it if I were to perform it again.

I understand from a ‘normal’ person’s point of view now and I’m pretty sure that if I re-visited all my past plays I would be able to do better in my roles. However, if you gave me a time machine and gave me that as an option, I wouldn’t do it. Learning is a wonderful thing. Sometimes it can take someone years to learn something, especially me. It might be ironic that I learnt what it means to be ‘natural’ when I’ve stopped pursuing acting, but I don’t think that’s a bad thing. What’s meant to be is meant to be.

I do fancy the voice acting work though. I understand how to use my voice naturally… I just need to speak as myself. I don’t know how I want to pursue this but I’m currently practicing by reading books of Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends and sharing them with people who enjoy listening to my style of narrating. =) I haven’t thought about it as a career or as a volunteering option but I’m enjoying it as a hobby. =D

THANKS FOR READING

Non Non Biyori Wallpaper

It’s been a slow and steady progress but I think that being in the acting field was the perfect direction to boost my confidence. Not only that but it gave me the opportunity to make friends with the right people. =D

And I just thought I mention that I no longer refer to ‘normal people’ as ‘normal people’ as I see them just like me, but with their own needs as an individual. I have used the term ‘normal people’ to explain things better. =)

Thanks for reading.

Namaste.^^/

Ryan.

Feeling Lucky

Non Non Biyori Wallpaper

Good Tidings.^^/

It’s been an awfully long time since I attended a yoga class. It’s both due to the Christmas period and coming down with a cold. I’m going to yoga tomorrow for the first time and I’m feeling somewhat anxious. I enjoy yoga but because I’ve not been for a good while I started to feel anxious as it’s currently out of routine. However, this evening, I felt a sudden ray of happiness.

I was cleaning my room and I suddenly realised what a lucky life I have. Apart from the minor cold, I have good health. I have a nice family and good friends. I also have a bunch of manga and anime goodies, including drama CDs, manga, a few figures and a heap of Thomas the Tank Engine memorabilia. I also have a bunch of DVDs and blu-rays of Iron Man and Captain America. I have a bunch of games from Super Mario to Atelier Escha and Logy to Senran Kagura. I also have the Non Non Biyori calendar 2015, which I’m especially thankful about. =D

What I’m especially thankful for is my own creativity. I can draw any time, write any time, and come up with the next story as I see fit. I can also use this opportunity to write a bunch of haikus whenever I feel inspired. The world is my oyster when it comes to being creative. =D

What I’m trying to say is that sometimes when I become familiar with everyday life I sometimes forget that I’m in a very good position in life. I would have said that I probably take things for granted but I don’t take things for granted, I just forget how lucky I am. So, next time I’m I’m feeling anxious, which will always occur every time I go out, I will remind myself the life that I’m living. And that is a happy one. =)

Thanks for reading.

Namaste.^^/

Ryan.

Dating

Issei and Asia

Winter Tidings.^^/

The Undateables is coming back on Channel 4 very soon. A few close peeps have mentioned in passing that it might be worth considering going on that show to meet up with someone. I appreciate their thoughts for me and considering my happiness. However, I have no plans to use these types of dating services.

My main reason is that it would just feel too forced and formal. I get anxious and nervous just meeting someone new at my brother’s and sister’s gatherings. I feel that meeting someone new by myself would put me under unnecessary pressure. Plus, the TV coverage wouldn’t really help ease my nerves. I make many mistakes in social situations and if I embarrass myself only a few people would see it. However, if I make mistakes and be quirky on TV then three million plus viewers would see it, not just a handful of people. Haha.

Really, being in a relationship has never really entered my mind. I did go on a date when I was 11 years old but that’s another story to tell in another blog. 😉 Really, what’s important is for me to meet new people and gain experience by meeting a variety of people. Of course, having a female partner would, I’m sure, be a valuable and wonderful experience. However, I’m in no rush. I never have been and I never will be. My priorities are my family and friends, meeting new people and making new friends through the art that is socialising. =)

I’m not worried about finding someone because I know I have a soul mate out there. It’s just that I haven’t met her yet, cue Michael Buble… I don’t know when, I don’t know how, and I don’t know where but I know that fate will assist me into finding that one special lady. Some of you may not believe in fate, but I’m a huge believer in fate and that two people are destined to be together. Some find each other through neighbours, some find each other through schools and some even find each other in pubs and train stations. Haha.

THANKS FOR READING

Non Non Biyori Wallpaper

It will happen for me it’s just all about living in the present and not worry about what the future holds.

Just right now, I just finished watching a film about Glenn Miller starring James Stewart, it was really cool. Mr Miller is quite the pioneer in his time and a very positive gentleman. I would have like to have met him.

I’m now going to read heaps of manga that I got over Christmas, but not before going out for a long walk. The sky is golden and beautiful where I am right now. =D

Thanks for reading.

Namaste.^^/

Ryan

My Christmas Tradition

Father Christmas

Ho, Ho, Ho.^^/

I have plenty of traditions at this time of year. I watch Christmas films, watch Thomas special episodes, listen to Christmas music and watch football on Boxing Day. My two most important traditions are hanging out with peeps and wrapping presents. You see, I get a thrill wrapping presents on Christmas Eve evening.

However, I’ve come down with a bad cold for the past few weeks. So, I wrapped them early so I could attend my sister’s Christmas Eve gathering. It was a good night and I made sure to work the room and talk to everyone. =) I don’t like feeling sorry for myself so I tend to not tell anyone if I have a cold or when I’m poorly. Someone did point out that my nose was really red. That was no brainer though; it was obvious that I was auditioning to be Rudolph the Rednose Reindeer. 😉 Haha.

I woke up really late this morning and we, as a family, opened up our presents quite late. We would all sit in a circle, Dad would pass out the presents, and we would open them one at a time. However, with Santa sacks, we just divulge in them right before we open up the presents from friends and family. Of course, I know Father Christmas doesn’t really bring our presents but me and my Mum still get Santa sacks. It’s all part of the fun, so why not? 🙂

I got a lot of nice presents from Father Christmas and from my family too. From the top of my head, I got…

  • High School DxD Volume 3
  • Monster Musume Volume 5
  • D-Frag Volume 2
  • Marvel Socks
  • Superman and Marvel loungers
  • Marvel T-Shirt
  • Is This a Zombie DVD
  • Lion onesie
  • Captain America: Winter Soldier Blu-Ray
  • Thomas: Tale of the Brave
  • Thomas the Tank Engine Annual 2015
  • Winnie the Pooh the complete collection
  • A very well knitted beard. Haha. =D
  • Non Non Biyori outro music
  • New set of dark striped pyjamas

So far it’s been really positive. Before I set off for my sister’s gathering I saw, what I personally believe was a shooting star. I know I might be unwell and not thinking straight but my eyes never deceive me. =) Well, it was either a shooting star or a comet. However, I’m choosing to believe that it was a shooting star. My face was spread in an exasperated gawp…after 20 seconds I made several wishes at once. I wished for Christmas and New Year to be good for everyone, to over-think less and to be a successful author in 2015. =) If it wasn’t a shooting star then my next guess would have been Father Christmas. Haha.

So far, it’s working, as everyone I know is having a very pleasant Christmas. I keep on falling asleep today as I’m not well but chilling out is the best way for a speedy recovery. =)

I’m planning to go out on several shopping trips and ordering some stuff as well. Through browsing on Amazon I discovered that Seven Seas, my current favourite publishers, have actually acquired licensed for Non Non Biyori manga! I’m extremely excited about this. For the past year I’ve always said to myself that if anyone was going to license Non Non Biyori, it was going to be Seven Seas. It’s not released until 30th June 2015. Aside from my birthday, it’s another reason to look forward to 6 months from now. =)

For those interested, here is the link for confirmation.

<http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1626921482/ref=ox_ya_os_product>

THANKS FOR READING

After the Christmas meal, and breaking the wish bone, I’ll probably spend the rest of the evening watching the Christmas trilogy of Only Fools and Horses and Captain America with my family. Then, I anticipate an early night. Even if I am unwell, I can still think happy thoughts. =D

For the fun of it, here is a picture of me dressing up in my Lion onesie and wearing that fake beard. Haha.

 http://instagram.com/p/xCKDtGu80o/?modal=true

Thanks for reading. =D

Merry Christmas, everyone.^^/

Ryan.

A Nativity to Remember

Christmas Nativity

Ho, Ho, Ho.^^/

Christmas is a busy yet fun time. It may seem stressful but it’s all worth it in the end. =)

I saw an advert not too long ago of the Nativity film. It suddenly made me remember perhaps one of my busiest Christmas times, all the way back in 2005. In that year I starred in the nativity school play. I’m sure many of you have been part of the nativity back when you went to school, but how many of you starred in the nativity at 17 years old? Yep… I was 17 years old when I starred in the nativity…the irony has still not lost on me. Haha.

The SEN school I attended was very small. In that year there were 40 students in the entire school, thus, the entire school was part of the nativity. We had two scenes based on the birth of Jesus and the family dinner in the modern age…the younger students from the younger classes were part of the birth of Jesus scenes whilst the older students (me included) were part of the family dinner scene.

I played one of the two key characters in this play, Granddad. Me and this other lad were one of the only few who had a lot of speaking parts. I basically rambled on about the principles of Christmas and I would narrate the “story” to my family about the birth of Jesus. The settings would alternate between the family setting and the birth of Jesus.

We had plenty of good laughs here and there, we rehearsed the play for the whole school term… however, when December came I suddenly became really ill. I couldn’t walk, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t speak and I lacked a lot of sleep. I had absolutely no idea what came over me. I was absent from school for a good while during that period.

If that wasn’t bad enough I had other acting commitments outside of school. I was part of two plays for two separate colleges (I attended one part time and I went to the other for work experience). And, I played Mr Beaver for an acting school, and that role in particular required a lot of energy. I was probably taking on a lot more than I could handle. I couldn’t go to school as I was ill. After resting up for a week I decided to partake in the performances at the colleges and drama school. My reason is that I only had to spend an hour at those performances and I could muster up the energy for that amount of time. With school…going to school would of course mean that I would have to spend the entire day there and obviously I couldn’t do that.

One day, a teacher rang my Mum to ask about my health. It was stressed that if I was going to stay absent for the whole term then the play would have to change, since I played a significant role. She sort of pleaded for me to come in and play my part. I felt a huge rush of pride souring through my veins. Feeling wanted and needed in a “crisis” motivates me to try my hardest. Plus, it was going to be the very last production from my school as they were closing the following year. I felt that it was imperative for me to attend.

In a way, I think that was the road to my recovery as I started to feel happy and gained some energy back. Technically, I still couldn’t go to school and learn but I could perform. During the final week I attended for rehearsals and for the final performance.

I was completely wiped out for the entire day. Haha. Everyone, from classmates to teachers understood that I was completely wacked out. I couldn’t really focus as much as I would have liked and I kept on missing my cues in rehearsal. In fact, I had to have the script inside my “storytelling book” for whenever I kept on forgetting my lines. I couldn’t speak very well so they gave me this microphone attached to my cravat so that my voice projected throughout the room.

During the little breaks and lunch breaks I actually stayed in my rocking chair and just slept and chilled out. I certainly made the most out of that! I decided that I was going to store up my energy for the actual performance.

The performance came and went. I like to think that it was a mighty successful one. I did miss some of my cues though, but, I made it work… sort of. Haha. The lad next to me kept on kindly reminding me (in a whisper) that I forgot certain lines during the actual show. Haha. Thank you my friend! XD

In the role of Granddad I wore a jumper, a cravat, a pair of fashion disaster glasses and a Charlie Chaplan cane. In this nativity play I did the most cringing thing in my life… I sang. I’ve never sung in my own house, let alone in a show. I had to get up from my chair, stand in front of the audience and sing a little song… it was bad enough that I couldn’t speak, but I had to really will myself and get my lungs to work. I also did a little Charlie Chaplan-esque dance at the end… that was fun but also a little embarrassing. When that skit was over I was able sit down and enjoy the show. Although, I still had to have wits about me as I still needed to narrate every now and then… I stayed put on the rocking chair for as long as I was allowed to. I experienced a few dizzy rushes and at times I couldn’t really hear what was said, thus, the reason why I kept on missing cues. Haha.

All things considered, it was a good valuable experience and even though I was off my head… it was all worth it. Everyone was buzzing throughout the day with positivity.

Psst, don’t tell anyone but I actually had a sneaky sleep during the carol singing in the after-performance part. 😉

THANKS FOR READING

I still watch the DVD of this production and look back at that time fondly. I especially watch the DVD at this time of year, as its Christmas. It was probably one of my most favourite memories of my school, if not the most. Oh, before I forget… NO I’m not going to share my singing from that show. Haha! =D

Thanks for reading.

Merry Christmas, everyone.^^/

Ryan.

My Christmas Spirit

Coca-cola-lorry

Ho, Ho, Ho.^^/

Christmas has an impact on people in different but wonderful ways. For me, it represents a time to spend with family and friends. So far, I’m doing just that. However, it never really occurs to me that Christmas is coming until certain things trigger my realisation…

  1. The Coca-Cola Advert
  2. Putting up the decorations
  3. Home Alone on TV
  4. Advent Calendar
  5. Walking out in the freezing cold
  6. Putting up the Christmas tree

When do you realise Christmas is coming?

The decorations in my house look splendid, and I’ve got a new star to put at the top of the tree. =) I watched Home Alone the other day on Channel 4 +1. I would say that both Home Alone 1 and 2 are probably my favourite Christmas films of all time. I enjoy it now as I did when I was much younger. Even in the days when I in a complete world of my own. I remember my Mum buying the Home Alone soundtrack all the way back in 1992. It’s both wonderful and amazing how time flies. I’ve come a long way since then. =)

I’ve been in a good mood recently. I recently finished my illustration on a picture that I’m quite proud of. I drew and coloured Aoi Sakurai from the anime, ‘Rail Wars.’ I was thinking of doing either Rias Gremory or Takao next. However, I also begin to wonder if it’s more appropriate to draw a Christmas picture with a bunch of anime girls squashed together. That could be a lot of fun actually. If I feel like it, I’ll give them a go.

So far I’ve been doing a countdown to Christmas. Every morning I would eat a piece of chocolate from my Thomas the Tank Engine advent calendar. Then, I would post #day1 for example onto Instagram. I’m finding that a lot of fun. I don’t really eat heaps of chocolate in truth, but when I do, it’s on a special occasion. =D

THANKS FOR READING

Father Christmas

 I still have plenty of presents to wrap and cards to send but it’s all worth it when the 25th December arrives. 😉

Thanks for reading.

Namaste.^^/

Ryan.