My Website Goes Live

Ryan Speakman Website

Summer Tidings everyone.^^/

With encouragement from my family I have decided to open up a website that’s all about me. I feel like, and my friends and family agree, that I have more to offer than writing and blogging. On my site I talk about my hobbies and passion for writing, I show my photography and art and of course my blog.

As I have my very own website now I have decided to concentrate my blogging posts about autism, anime and my thoughts in general over there instead of here on the WordPress site.

I have always thought about having my very own website but I never really had the confidence to get my face out there, especially on the internet… until now. Over the years, my confidence has grown. Not only am I opening up about my autism I actually talk about my daily experiences in social situations and I’m showing my fan art across the net. Showing my art has especially been a concern of mine since I was younger. Nowadays those worries are behind me.

WordPress was the platform for me to start blogging and to me there’s no better way to start. I found that my confidence soured and I felt like my writing has improved every single time I write up a new post.

If you like to check out my new website, here is the link.

www.ryanspeakman.co.uk

Thank you to everyone who has been taking an interest in my blogs so far. I enjoy what I’m writing but it’s a bonus knowing that some you enjoy reading them. It makes my blogging experience all the more enjoyable.

Thanks for Reading. =)

Namaste.^^/

Ryan.

Applying For a Passport

UK Passport Cover

Last Monday I went to an interview to apply for a British Passport.

I was a little nervous as I got the letter back from the Passport people saying that I was required to have an interview, which was not really a problem. It was my first time that I ever went for a passport interview. It was going to be a completely new experience, however, on the leaflet it says that if you have a disability and you need someone to be in the interview with you, please let them know. Mum came with me as I don’t travel by myself and in case I got anxious and didn’t understand the procedure.

As is so happens I totally forgot about the arrangement and only remembered the day before. Haha. So, the anticipation build up wasn’t as bad as it usually was. I can probably handle situations better when I don’t have too long to think about it.

I didn’t really know where this place was but I enjoyed having a good walk around in the warm sun. We found the place eventually and I went into the reception area with my parents.

We actually learned, there and then, that nobody was allowed in the booth with me. I started to get nervous at that point. The problem wasn’t me going in on my own it was the lack of understanding shown by the receptionists. This did not fill me with confidence. She was also rude to my Mum and was a little patronising towards her.

My Mum tried to explain why she would go in with me, not to speak on my behalf but to re-word questions if I didn’t understand them. This is a big occurrence in my life where I don’t always understand what people say, especially when they generalise. However, the receptionist wasn’t really listening or rather she was too busy enforcing the rules.

So far I wasn’t impressed with how unwelcoming the passport people were. If the receptionist was not very accommodating then how accommodating would the interviewer be? I started to lose confidence in the fact that they weren’t going to consider my needs. It seems like they don’t really cater for people with Learning Difficulties or Autism.

The interview lady eventually called me in and she was actually really nice and friendly. By the way that she was talking it seemed like she was more than familiar with people with special needs. She was very open-minded and she did seem experience when it came to communicating with people like me. All the interview questions were very simple to understand so I didn’t have any trouble answering her questions.

I spent about 25 minutes in there and I felt actually ok by the end of it. I was somewhat surprised how well I handled the situation, especially when the receptionist dropped the bombshell that I wasn’t allowed to bring someone in with me. I could have buzzed Mum to come in if I wanted but I was doing ok by myself.

I handled that situation really well actually but I was disappointed with the lack of consideration that the staff did show. It stresses in the leaflet that if you have Learning Difficulties and you need someone to come in with you then to let the passport people know. In a way, I did find this misleading. If it was clear that I wasn’t allowed to have support in my interview, then that would have been fine. But if it’s not ok, why mention it in the leaflet in first place?

I was more disappointed and bewildered by the principal of the staff not accommodating my needs, rather than going in by myself for the interview. However, it’s all done and finished now and I’m certainly losing no sleep over it. =)

THANKS FOR READING

Bell and Aiz Artwork Endcard

All I just have to do now is play the waiting game… by reading the rest of Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon? Light Novel Volume 2. =D That’s such an awesome book and anime and I’m really enjoying it. For all I know the passport people might refuse my application but I’m pretty confident that they’ll accept it. =)

Thanks for Reading. =)

Namaste.^^/

Ryan.

The Acting World: Autobiography Play (Part Three)

cropped-ryans-world-border-2.jpg

On this very day, at this very time, exactly four years ago, I self-starred in the auto-bio play “Ryan’s World.”

If you fancy reading the other parts, you can see the links underneath.^^/

https://ryanlikestospeak.wordpress.com/2015/03/17/the-acting-world-autobiography-play-part-one/ 

https://ryanlikestospeak.wordpress.com/2015/04/14/the-acting-world-autobiography-play-part-two/

  1. DECISION

Choosing the right songs and implementing them into the show was tricky. However, Mr P and Mum suggested certain songs for me to use.

For the intro, and the audience coming in and settle their bums to the floor, I opted to use Christina Aguilera’s song “Beautiful.” We all thought that this would be an ideal way to start the performance as that song is about individuality and self-confidence. For good measure I added a picture of me when I was 5 holding a Thomas the Tank Engine train. Whilst I was incredibly embarrassed I wanted to give everyone an idea what I looked like when I was young. That and I think it adds to the realism of the performance.

I was behind the stage of the intro and the first video scene. Nerves started to grow up inside me, but I felt myself getting into the moment of my youth. The first video scene is the doctor diagnosing my condition and explained to my Mum (the character) what to expect of me in the future. It would be highly unlikely that I would ever come out of my own bubble. Listening to this really helped me to get into the moment as it set as a reminder of what I was like when I was young.

  1. SCENES YOUNGER THAN TEN

I walked into the open space and parked myself on the outer edge of the gazebo. I used the gazebo for the purpose of holding up the screen which showed the videos. I was very conscious that I was going to knock the whole thing down so I took great care not to bump into it. Haha.

These few scenes were all about me when I was a toddler. The video showed scenes whilst I held up phrases on the cards to show what I was thinking at that time. I couldn’t explain myself at that time but I was aware what was happening. I held up a cue card that said “I know you’re talking about me, I’m not stupid.” I also held up a few sad faces to show the audience that I was feeling sad in certain moments.

On stage I kept my face and body language neutral to reinforce how I would have been feeling at the time. However, I did feel trickles of tears running down my face. “That’s not supposed to happen,” I thought. That was the first time ever that I genuinely cried during a performance. I cringed every time I heard myself scream or cry out. It felt like a stab in the heart. I wanted to hide my face behind the big cards as I didn’t really want the audience to see tears running down my face. Haha. I spontaneously took a few deep breaths to regain my composure.

I did receive a few laughs when I got kissed with a lipstick in the video and when I showed my sad face for the first time. I think everyone laughed at first probably because they thought the face was drawn in a funny way. I put up a smiling face when the lady at the school residential read me a Thomas story.

I think the audience were very touched by this. I even added the song “Thomas, You’re the Leader.” I felt this was very appropriate as I was trying to tell the audience that Thomas was my saviour in many unhappy moments.

Eventually, I went off stage, gearing myself up to reappear in a certain scene.

  1. SCENES OLDER THAN TEN

On the video it showed the actual footage of me being the mascot for Charlton Athletic when they played Bolton in 2000.

I came onto the stage feeling excited as I gained confidence and started to understand the surroundings outside my bubble.

I spoke only basic words at that time. In hindsight I wonder if I should have spoken in a monotone voice because I used to be expressionless with my words. However, in the live performance I was representing my thoughts. So I figured it would be appropriate to speak with emotion.

The most important scene involves the Football School. I was pretty nervous about this. It was important to get this right. We filmed the parts where all the lads were making fun of me and showed a huge lack of understanding. The coach was no different. I was too meek and polite to not stick up for myself as I didn’t want to “upset” anyone. It went to the point where I started to get changed in front of the other lads, something which I was very uncomfortable with.

On the video I actually did get changed but my back was to the audience so only my back was visible. Haha. That was another big moment as I don’t like getting changed in front of other people. I think if the scene wasn’t so serious the audience would have had a good chuckle at this.

The video was pretty emotional as I kept on making mistakes and kept on being the victim of “being different.” I tried to be strong and be tough but I kept on making mistakes, especially when I missed the penalty and ran the full length of the pitch to score an own goal… My spirit eventually wavered and I broke down in the middle of the pitch, all alone… On cue- Girls Aloud’s cover of “I’ll Stand by You,” plays as the video zooms out and fades.

This was definitely challenging to perform on film. I was caught up in the emotion of that part of my life. The Football scene and hanging out with “normal people” was the main reason why I started to become insecure about being Autistic. Was it ok to be different? I made my feelings known at that very moment how I felt about the world.

“I hate normal people. I hate special needs… and I hate myself.”

And it was at that very moment that I started to become insecure about myself. I had a long string that kept me from the audience. When my confidence grew, I’d pull the string back, allowing the audience nearer. If my confidence was knocked, I would push the string back and push the audience away. The strings were held up by three stools. When I said “I hate special needs…” I started to push the stools back.

However, I managed to compose myself enough not to charge into Mr Ian who was right behind the stool that I was pushing. This was quite reassuring as I’ve never felt this emotional during a performance. It showed me that even though I was in the zone I was still aware of my surroundings. That was quite a proud moment. =)

  1. INDIVIDUALITY

From that moment on I tried to fight for individuality and to be accepted for whom I was and I tried this tactic in different situations. I bought a Thomas DVD at school but my teacher disapproved as she thought that it was “too childish” and so she took it back. Why wasn’t I allowed to express the things I like? Why couldn’t I get the things I like? What was wrong with being myself?

  1. REACHING COLLEGE

I had the option of attending two different colleges. One was my local college and the other was the college that I eventually went to. I was very determined not to go to this certain college as I knew that I would have to start in the Supported Learning Department. I really, really didn’t want that to happen.

I expressed my anger and stubbornness thoughts to the audience. Was it fate that I would never progress? On the video it showed the letter that I would be in the SLD department. It also said in the letter how it would have been “too much for me” to be in the actual Performing Arts course with the “normal” mainstream students.

It turns out that college has treated me very kindly and the SLD department was actually a good stepping stone for me to study and perform with the “normal” mainstream students. I went from expressing my anger on stage feeling to expressing my pride and happiness.

  1. I AM RYAN

On film, I spoke about the overview of my time on the course. I learned that my biggest achievement from this University Course wasn’t the high marks on paper. It was learning how to be myself. In those last couple of months I completely let myself go and allowed everyone to get to know the real me and who I really was.

I’m not Autistic, I’m Ryan who just so happens to have Autism.

Being Ryan was my identity. After this revelation I stopped acting at this point and I was genuinely myself. It was definitely natural as I completely forgot my line at that moment. Haha!

I changed clothes into a more casual outfit, cut the tap and invited the audience into “my space”. This was to signify that I now felt more comfortable with how I was. I personally am not comfortable with physical contact but it’s my way of letting everyone know that I’m opening myself up to them.

At this moment I walked out of the room and the video of me, wearing the same casual outfit, came up. This was the scene where I said my “THANKYOUS” to all my friends, colleagues and tutors for treating me kindly for all these years. I would be too embarrassed to say it to their faces so I coped out and made them watch the video instead. Haha. Ironically, this was actually the very first thing that I and Mr P did, shooting this video of “THANKYOUS.”

In this video I played the soundtrack “The Island Song” and “I Believe I Can Fly.” These songs are very poignant to me as I used to severely dislike music. However, these were the very first songs that I liked and they were the platform for me to open myself up to all kinds of music. Now, whilst I still don’t like noise, I can handle music better and I’m very open-minded about it. Once again, Thomas the Tank Engine helped as The Island Song was actually a soundtrack from Thomas the Tank Engine. Haha.

  1. POST SHOW

I came out and took a bow. I was a little bit overwhelmed by the loud clapping and I literally couldn’t look at any of them in the face. After the bow I ran as fast as I could so that I didn’t have to talk to anyone. I was a little caught up in the moment. Well, that’s a fib. I was VERY caught up in the moment. Haha.

I actually get very embarrassed when I’m the centre of attention or if everyone is looking at me, which is among the reasons why I ran off. If I had spoken to people straightaway I probably would have been too caught up and cried and I really didn’t want that to happen.

After calming down I spoke with my friends one by one and had a good chin-wag with all of them. It was a strange moment as I was talking with them as if I had never performed the piece. It felt natural, very natural. I really did like that feeling and it was at that moment that I realised that all my Uni friends were actually my friends.

By revealing my autism to everyone has turned out to be one of the best moments in my life. I can now say that I have autism without feeling ashamed or insecure.

THANKS FOR READING

Thomas and Gordon 2

Since this day, four years ago, life has been great and for the first time I felt free of doubt. I have never looked back… and I never will.

Thanks for reading. =)

Namaste.^^/

Ryan

The Acting World: Autobiography Play (Part Two)

cropped-ryans-world-border-2.jpg

  1. DECISION

Right! I’m now going to do this Autobio play starring as myself, but… what on earth do I do? How do I execute this piece? How do I act it? How do I direct it? What parts of my life are most significant and what might people be interested in? Do I do live or film or a mixture of both?

I discussed the key parts of my life with my co-director Mr P as well as my family. After much discussion we decided that my life before Uni was the way to go. Obviously, people at Uni only knew me as I was then. They had no idea about my life prior to the Uni course.

At that point I had a rough idea how I was going to perform this piece. I decided to make this mostly live theatre but to include multimedia and film. I felt that I could express my thoughts live but portray certain aspects on film. To me that was the most practical and sensible solution. Realistically speaking, I don’t think there was any way I could have done it. Mr Ian came up with great artistic ideas but I needed to do what I was comfortable with. Well… everything I was doing at that point was far from comfortable! Haha.

I decided what scenes I was going to film, what characters to use and who I would ask to play those parts.

With the cast chosen I then had to think about which scenes I would film and which I would perform live.

  1. OVER-ACTING

In the first two weeks I did find it difficult to play my character. I learned that I kept holding back when I was rehearsing so I decided to stop rehearsing altogether, choosing to act and improvise when I was being filmed.

I did this one scene where I was playing with my biro trains and Thomas trains where I would scream and get upset if my brother tried to join in the fun. I think I was ok but I wasn’t natural… I was extremely uncomfortable and I think because of this I started to over-act. It’s not easy when you’re 22 and you’re trying to act as you did when you were 4.

Acting as my younger self playing with my trains was probably the most difficult part of the whole performance. The scene wasn’t really done right. I couldn’t rehearse it as it was a challenge to keep it up. If I was going to do this then I had to do it in one take. My family members watched my scene back and they felt that I wasn’t being natural either. They watched me grow up so they could remember how I acted and behaved.

With much reluctance but being sensible, I decided that I should do this scene again, but in a more natural setting…I chose to do this, for the second time, at my sister’s house.

  1. EPIPHANY

There was a period where my confidence was low. I did start to doubt myself and my capabilities of being able to pull this off. Could I do it? I needed an inspiration from somewhere…

My university is actually based in a college. The correct term of studying that I did was Foundation Degree. Basically, you do two years of university work at a college but you do the final third year at an actual university. The third year is only optional though. I decided to take a look at my local university, with the thought of carrying on the third year, to obtain my full degree. It sounded ideal to me at that time. So, I went along to the open day and spoke to one of the course tutors with my Mum. We explained to her about my individual needs and what my strengths and needs were.

Her reaction to everything that we said was quite peculiar. She pulled a lot of funny faces and she especially made a quirky face when I said that I don’t understand generalisation. From that moment she started to discourage me from the course as she didn’t think I could handle it. There were going to be many social gatherings and she didn’t think that I could adapt enough to meet the course requirements. I was rather speechless at that moment…

I was a bit shocked on how quickly she discouraged me, and even went so far to suggest a writing course as no social interaction was required. Haha… I decided from that moment that I was not going to go on that course as the tutor didn’t seem open-minded and she did not understand people like me. Even if I did join the course I think I would have dropped out because of her. I was unimpressed with her attitude, and to be honest, I was unimpressed with the SLD facilities that that particular university had to offer.

After I spoke about my thoughts to my family and I had the chance for all this to sink in…a fire started to ignite in my stomach. I started to get annoyed that someone would pre-judge me and my capabilities without even getting the time to know me first. There have been people in my life who have doubted my capabilities, and I was always determined to prove those people wrong.

The only people who doubted me were the people who did not know me. They just judged my capabilities through papers, reports and assessments and probably what they’ve researched about autism on the internet. I wasn’t going to let anyone doubt me ever again. I was going to prove to everyone that I shouldn’t limit my capabilities just because of pre-judgement. I especially was going to prove to everyone and to myself that I shouldn’t limit my capabilities just because I’m Autistic.

I was angry. I was determined. I was motivated.

This was the answer. This was the epiphany that I was looking for. The confidence that I had lost came back and it was stronger than ever before.

And now, back to the Performance.

  1. NEW FOUND CONFIDENCE

I asked the National Certificate group to paint me a wall of a mountain that represents my personal journey. Me and Mr P went to their class and explained what we were looking for. At that moment Mrs V turned to me and said, “Are you going to tell everyone about you?” and I was like “oh my…”

I was so focus on proving a point to my doubters and to myself that I completely forgot that I was going to share with everyone about my Autism. Was this going to be a first time? Initially, I was very hesitant. I’ve never openly told this side of me to anyone, only a close group of people. I knew the National Certificates by their faces but I didn’t know any of them personally. How would they react? I took a deep breath and said, “I am autistic.”

I got a positive response. I was asked a lot of questions regarding Autism and how I cope with autism. It really warmed my heart and boosted my confidence. I even got a round of applauds.

It boosted my morale even more and for the first time in my life I wasn’t afraid to say that I have autism. I became much more open about myself and I generally became chattier with people who I didn’t know very well, which used to be an enormous challenge for me.

  1. FILMING THE SCENES

What was initially daunting turned out to be a lot of fun.

The football guys were wonderful to work with. I explained to them what my condition was and how I cope with it. Coincidentally, they were doing a course about bullying so I was actually called into that class to talk about being different. I never thought I would speak about my autism in front a bunch of strangers! And like the National Certificates, I got a positive response.

The football students acted out their parts very well but I must say that Chris, the tutor, was particularly outstanding. His sister has learning difficulties so I think he was able to relate to my problems to some degree.

I decided to include some of my family/family friends in certain film scenes. They were fun to work with.

The scene I did with Nat and Mr Andy was not very loud on film so I went to Mr M, who is a record producer that I know and a good friend. He had a studio so offered to help with the sound on the film. He was kind enough to help me out so I went over to his house and did the over dubbing. What should have taken a few hours took all night. We worked on it from 4 O’clock in the afternoon until 5 O’clock in the morning! It took me 58 goes to get the speech pattern right! Haha! We experienced all kinds of emotions that night but it was definitely an amazing night and one of the best that I’ve experienced. =)

  1. SHOW TIME

There was a lot that I wanted to talk about as this had been a really good experience. I had a lot of fun with many people during the filming. I decided to only talk about significant parts of the rehearsals and filming and how I over-came problems.

Next time, I will share my thoughts with you about going into the performance, during the performance, and after the performance.

Show time!

A New Yoga Place

Meditation-Yoga-pose

Peace Tidings.^^/

Ever since my Yogi instructor opened her new studio I’ve been determined to go. I didn’t know when, but I knew I wanted to go. After months of thinking I decided, in an impromptu moment, that I was going to attend her class on the upcoming Wednesday morning. I was kindly informed that the Wednesday morning class did not have many participants. That was more than an ideal class to start in. However, that did mean that I attended by myself rather than with my sister. My sister works full time.

The only place I go to by myself is the hairdressers, and that took me many years to do independently. I became familiar with the hairdressers as I’ve known one of them since my school days. I didn’t know exactly where the yoga studio was and I haven’t known the instructor for very long but my gut instinct was telling me to go alone. My Dad walked me towards the building but I entered it by myself.

I think that was the first time I did something like that without much supervision. Usually it takes me time, like with the hair salon. But here, I just entered the building and found the yoga studio just as I did when I went to the other studio with my sister. I had a rough idea what it looked like since I saw the photos on Facebook. It was a bit of a weird experience in more ways than one. It was the first time that I did Yoga without the company of my sister, but especially weird since I did it on my own. I didn’t feel as self-conscious as I normally would. I did get somewhat anxious before I left  home as that’s what happens every time I go out. But I was ok.

I tried to watch Non Non Biyori before I left as that always makes my mind relax. I couldn’t fully relax but it certainly took the sting out of it before I went out.

Ahem-

I made pleasantries when someone looked my way or someone was talking to me. I was probably a little bit stiff to tell you the truth but not so stiff that I talked like a robot. The session itself was good as well. As it was morning we did Gentle Yoga. We did balance moves so I was expecting for us to do my favourite pose, Warrior Three, but we didn’t. I was slightly gutted about that but it wasn’t that big of a deal.

I did learn something from this session… no matter how many times I do yoga poses I can never remember the names of any of them, with the exception of down facing dog and Warrior Three… I know there’s a move called the “Mermaid” but I don’t know what’s supposed to be bent and what isn’t. I will probably never memorise any of them. Haha.

THANKS FOR READING

 Non Non Biyori Wallpaper

I would call this day an achievement. I entered in a building, on the first go, on my own. It took me years to achieve that when I went to the Hair Salon but I did this on the first go. I’m not sure if I can get to the place by myself per se just yet but I know I can enter one by myself. So yes, all is good. =)

Thanks for Reading. =)

Namaste.^^/

Ryan.

Negativity to Positivity: Thinking Rationally

Mr Happy

Snow Tidings.^^/

I’m having a good start to the New Year. Unfortunately though my cold has come back, and I put that down to the fact that my home town has welcomed heaps of snow. It’s rather unfortunate as when I get a cold I tend to lack sleep and do a lot of over-thinking. In my case being unwell means not really thinking rationally.

I consider myself quite chilled and I can usually let things go and take each moment as it comes. However, when my body and mind is not functioning properly I do sometimes feel negative and re-visit past events which weren’t necessarily happy times. Sometimes it’s not necessarily re-visiting past events, it can be the little things that make me worry and feel negative, even if they’re not major issues.

Just now I was spoilt for choice which manga to read. I wanted to read all five at once and I wanted to watch anime as well, but I couldn’t decide what to do. Thus, I got myself a little worked up and was worrying unnecessarily. Worrying about this simple thing makes me worry about things that worried me in the past as well. It can be a recent worry or something from some time ago. Either way I tend to feel negative when I’m very tired and/or under the weather. I then worry because I’m sitting here and worry about worrying. Haha.

Normally I can think rationally but when I’m under the weather thinking rationally can be tough because my mind is not thinking straight. When I try to think rationally my mind gets really blurry because my mind is combating with many emotions and thoughts at once. Really, in this case, it’s easy to just try and force them out of your mind. But, I find that if I tell myself “don’t worry about it” I worry about it more because it’s still on my mind. Every little thing becomes a big deal.

But, even if the little things make me worry, it’s the little things that cheer me up. In this case, stuff like Non Non Biyori. I mentioned this anime heaps of times in previous blogs. I really do like this anime and I dare say that it’s probably my favourite anime of all time. If it isn’t then it’s definitely in my Top Five of my favourite anime. My feelings of watching Non Non for the first time is similar to the feelings of when I first watched Thomas the Tank Engine for the first time. I was simply excited when I heard that Seven Seas are going to publish Non Non this June and I can’t wait until it comes out.

Watching Non Non makes me forget about the little things that I’m worrying about. And gradually, those worries disappear. It’s not just Non Non that cheers me up, a bunch of little things cheer me up. I’m talking about drawing my comics, writing my story, reading manga and hanging out with my family. It doesn’t make me less dizzy but it does take the sting out of being under the weather. I feel relaxed when doing these things. Relaxing to me means being happy and focusing on things I like to do. And, I need to remind myself to go to bed early instead of staying up just for the sake of it. Haha.

THANKS FOR READING

 Non Non Biyori Wallpaper

My mission for now is to keep warm and keep enjoying myself. Publishing my book onto kindle is taking quite some time but I won’t worry about that. Feeling negative when you’re ill I think is natural and it can be difficult to get out of that slump… but it’s not impossible. =) I’m now going to go away and watch some Nisekoi. =D

Thanks for reading.

Namaste.^^/

Ryan.

WWE Raw and Liverpool Experience

Raw in Liverpool

Winter Greetings.^^/

  1. Post-London, Pre-Raw

A lot has happened in November, especially around the time when I went to London. I found that even though I came back home, I still couldn’t really relax my mind. It seemed that everything was happening at once and I was dealing with lots of things at the same time. If it’s one thing, I usually find a way to work with it. However, too many things give me a head mush. At that point it did feel like my head was about to explode.

To cut a long story short, I had to make a decision whether I wanted to go to a surprise birthday gathering and to WWE Monday Night Raw with a few of my peeps. For the life of me I could not decide what I wanted to do. I enjoy celebrating the happiness of other people but I decided to reject the party invitation in the end. There would be lots of people there that I did not know. I didn’t fancy it in the end and decided not to go.

*

I haven’t watched Raw in weeks. I sort of lost interest in WWE since Daniel Bryan and Bad News Barrett became absent. Did I really want to go to this live event when I wasn’t feeling very well? Not just any event, but an event that I’m not really that into at the moment. I literally decided to go in the last minute, an hour before I was being picked up.

It was at that point when I started to rush around. I had a shower, washed my hair, picked out my clothes and had dinner. I got it in my head as well that we were eating out, but I received a text explaining that we weren’t…oh my. So, with quick thinking, I had jacket potato with melted cheese. I fancied doing beans but as I was on my own I didn’t want to risk doing anything to myself. It’s one thing to harm myself if my parents were around, but if I’m on my home and cooking, that could spell trouble…

I tried to relax, but I couldn’t fully relax. I felt sick, dizzy, had a poorly chest and was eating a luke warm jacket spud. Haha…you’ve got to laugh in those situations. =) I decided to go to Raw as I already paid for my ticket, and, it could be interesting.

  1. Liverpool

The other reason I didn’t want to travel to Raw is because it was in Liverpool. Travelling to this city appears to be a bad omen to me. Throughout my life, every time I go to Liverpool, something goes wrong. It’s not that I dislike Liverpool it’s just that Liverpool dislikes me. XD

  1. I was going to college (which borders Liverpool) but went to the completely wrong campus! I think the driver was taking me to the technology campus. So, I was an hour and a half late for my first college class…. Later on, it was established that I was in the wrong class. Then, it was established that I was actually in on the wrong day. So yeah… I won’t forget about that day in a hurry!
  2. My Dad was taking me to Liverpool, since he used to be the kit man for a none-league side, when we broke down… the policeman helped us, but he came up to me and said ‘this is all your fault!’ It took us a full day to travel back home.
  3. I went to Liverpool to support the Foundation Degree students by watching one of their theatrical productions. However, we got completely lost and had to turn back. We asked for directions but none of the locals knew where the performance location was… silly people.
  4. I was going to perform as the violinist at the Maritime Museum and we were going to take the train, but…the train was cancelled so we had to walk in the scorching heat, take 4 buses, one underground train, and we made it with 15 minutes to spare. We only had time for one full rehearsal.
  5. We went to the theatre to watch Jonathan Pryce in a Harold Pinter production, but the show was cancelled because he was ill…

I really hoped that this trip to WWE would break my trend. I’m sure some day Liverpool and I can settle a truce and drink a J2O like old buddies. =) …that night wasn’t going to be one of those days though, as an incident occurred. It’s a recurring joke that I bring bad luck to Liverpool, but what happened was not a funny matter.

There was a car crash on the motorway involving four cars, which in turn made the roads very busy. I felt instantly bad. I thought “they had a crash because I came to Liverpool.” Thinking rationally now, that’s not really the case. Accidents happen all the time, especially when drivers get impatient on the road. Regardless of everything, I pray that they are all safe and recovering at the speed of light.^^/

  1. WWE Monday Night Raw

We just made it with five minutes to spare. It was an absolute rush. I don’t handle travelling very well, I tend to get sick. I felt unwell to begin with, but the long journey didn’t really settle me. It unsettled me more when we had to rush to our seats, and that took a while too. A gent actually hijacked one of our seats so we had to ask him to move.

The show started pretty quickly. Well, actually, it began with WWE Superstars. Then, it went to WWE Raw. All the while I was still battling with my emotions and tried to focus on the show. The trick I used was taking photos and video clips for my Uncle. I sat on an end isle seat as I could escape whenever I want. However, the Echo arena was a very big arena and I didn’t really fancy getting lost in that building. Haha.

The biggest chants were “Where’s our network?” Apparently, this does not bode well with the WWE officials. When Raw was on TV, they edited this out as best as they could. Other bigger chants were Miz and Mizdown, Dolph Ziggler, Big Show, Sheamus and the crowd.

The crowd were bantering with each other. If the match bored them then they would find a way to entertain themselves. One guy held up a sign but he had that confiscated by a security gent and everyone chanted “you sold out!” The biggest boos were directed at another security guard. The bottom crowd were playing around with a beach ball during the Sheamus and Rusev match. He got heavily boo’d when he confiscated the beach ball, probably more than Cena. They chanted “you suck!”

The intro was funny, when everyone chanted “John Cena sucks” that went along with his entrance song. The UK really does have a good crowd.^^/

I didn’t join in with any of the banter as my head was really bad and I felt unwell. The sheer noise was not very pleasant, and it did detract from the Raw show somewhat.

Paige got a few standing ovations. I know I stood up and clapped, and I even went down a few steps so I could snap a good picture of her. =) I liked how Lilian Garcia sang our national anthem, it was sweet and touching. Some of the top tier crowd were booing though and chanting about the network. I thought that was disrespectful and in bad taste, but I just ignored them and listened to the anthem.

I also liked the Sting promo and Triple H making an appearance. I kept on anticipating Bad News Barrett making a sudden appearance though, and was gutted when he didn’t.

When the show finished we all darted out asap. I thought the show was ok but I was certainly glad when it was over. I would say that I’ve enjoyed last year’s Raw more, this year I somewhat lost interest in WWE and I was going through a lot this time around. I am focusing on what I enjoyed about the show though, rather than recalling what went through my mind at that moment. I know I’m talking all about it now, but I’m feeling much better and more open to talk about it. =)

  1. Going home

I was asked if I wanted to take a detour to McDonalds on the way home. I declined. It didn’t matter whether I was hungry or not, I just wanted to go home. When I got home my Dad bought me and my Mum McDonalds. I was pleasantly surprised as I didn’t know that there were any McDonalds that were open 24/7.

I’m not a fast food lover, but sometimes fast food is better than no food. 😉

THANKS FOR READING

I was spotted on TV courtesy of a close friend. It’s a blur, but my T-Shirt has made it on TV. I was spotted during Paige’s entrance. Haha. Fame at last. =D Here is the picture.^^/

Me on TV

I wasn’t going to upload this blog until I give account of the 1st Year Anniversary blog, which I plan to post on the 16th November. I’m still recovering from a very busy couple of days. However, my gut instinct told me to upload this blog right now instead of waiting.

With all that is said and done, I can finally relax. I have nothing pressing to focus on. It’s always important to remember to focus on the positive points. It can be hard at times when your head is in a mush, but it’s not impossible. And I like to think that I’m capable of doing that, even when I’m not in the best state of mind.

I endure a lot inside with my Autistic quirks but I always mask my face and feelings with a smile. =)

See you all for now.

Namaste,^^/

Ryan.